So far this week...

My Stepdad has an artery so blocked (70%) that he could have a heart attack any day. He needs a stent fitted so the blood can flow properly but has developed a chest infection, if that doesn't clear up they won't operate. Every day I'm having to watch this man, who has always been strong and as tough as an old boot, struggle to do things he used to do with ease. He gets out of breath just walking into the kitchen and picking up the kettle.
Today I discovered that one of my dearest friends has been in a head on car crash. He crashed into the other car, bounced off it and smashed into a telegraph pole. There were 3 fire engines and they had to cut him out of the wreak. He says its amazing he's alive. It IS amazing he's alive, I'm so glad he's alive. Tomorrow they release him from hospital. I only found out today because I phone a friend, I would have found out sooner had I gone onto facebook, but my hearts not been in it lately.
My rat has holes in him. Two new abscesses, originally drained, reformed and caused a rather serious case of blood poisoning. So the vet drained them again, but cut them to leave them open so any foulness that builds up can just drain out. To be honest, he just seems worse than before. I hope this is the last of it because I don't think he could cope with another operation. I would be cruel to expect him to. But the selfish part of me doesn't want him to die. Mum says I can have a kitten when I'm fully moved into her home, but I'd rather have my rat. You may laugh but he's worth a thousand baskets of kittens to me. But I'm worrying too soon. Blood poisoning and an operation, would I expect a human to recover over night? He probably feels sore and sorry for himself, the fact that he's having some difficulty in moving his front paws doesn't seem to help, but he IS using them more than before the operation.
Every cloud has a silver lining, but right now I'm having to squint reeeeeeaaaaaaally hard to see it.

New years resolutions...

Aired online in an attempt to encorage myself to keep them.

Lose weight, ditch the junk food and become healthy enough to run the race for life.
Get eight hours sleep a night
Join a gym and actually go to it more than once a week
Get up early so I can put on some make-up.
Get That Guy to notice me!
Less people pleasing and more Just Being Me.
Worry less, stress less, ditch the obsessive compulsiveness.
Keep an offline diary.
Complete Project 365 on flickr.
Watch every Doctor Who episode ever bought out on DVD and go to at least one sci-fi convention.
Finally watch Lost Boys.
Go more places on my own, being unable to drive is no excuse when I have money for the train.
Finish writing that story I’ve been trying to write since I was 16.

Merry Christmas

The presents have been opened, oohed over or boohooed over and then stashed away. The cat is toasting herself under the radiator while the rat is sleeping under his bed. Tucked away upstares I can hear the usual Christmasy noises leaking up from downstares; My stepdad shapening the knives for the turkey, my Mum and Nan talking to eachother and Christmas Tv, Porridge I think. I'm still sorting through my gifts, soring out which new make-up I'll wear to my aunt and uncle's tonight, which new perfume to douse myself in and the ever important question - do I watch GIJoe or True Blood. The house smells of Christmas dinner (yet to be dished up) and the day is dragging on slowly, pleasently.
Merry Christmas everyone and a Happy New Year if I'm to busy to post before then.
XD

Looks like we may get a white Christmas after all...

Well, that’s the last time I’ll see my friends until new year. Though it would have been nice to arrange a new years bash, just us. But the others have other plans, so it’ll have to wait to next year. Hard to party when your jet-lagged anyways.
But we had so much fun. Just chatting and chilling, rolling up new D&D characters (Rune Quest actually, guess who’s a Bearkin again?), eating so much pizza and red-velvet cupcakes that we nearly popped, watching Ace Ventura and the My Family Christmas special. Then we RPG’ed for a while before all getting a lift hope in the same car. We were sitting there, giggling like idiots while the wheels spun on the ice, before we finally got out to push it. Sure, that’s probably not really funny, but to us? To me? it’s the little things that count, that are special. Just those little “hey d’you remember when” moments.
The ones who are here and the ones that are elsewhere (if you read this at all, you know who you are and your missed) mean more to me than they’ll ever know. Trying to tell them my tongue glues itself to the roof of my mouth and I can’t find the words, so instead I end up saying something stupid to start them laughing. Its my only way of showing them I care. Other than buying them food or making cakes.
Its snowed again, I meant to blogg when it first happened, but I didn’t seem to get the chance. Works chaotic, my shifts keep changing, I’m just aching to get SOMEWHERE countrified with my camera and take some photos before it all melts, or worse! It rains! Still its supposed to snow more and get colder. I went overdrawn to buy myself a new, snow proof coat and now I’m as snug as a snow bunny. So much so that I almost resent having to take the coat off at work. But everything looks so pretty covered in snow. Everyone seems to take the opportunity to leave footprints in every patch of the stuff. Theres something satisfying about seeing your own footprints in a field of fresh white snow. My parents road is like an ice rink, the snows been squished down by the cars till its like slipper, muddy glass.
Tonight its due to snow again so the ice will get worse, but there will be a fresh blanket of snow to leave footprints in, like shaking an etchasketch!
Squeak seems better. The combination of antibiotics, anti-inflamentrys and eye drop (yes, more meds) seem to have taken affect and he is almost back to his normal chirpy self. The vet says we still can’t rule out a tumor, but I’m thinking it may have been a stroke. I’m hoping that’s all it was and that that will be the end of it, no more please. The ratty is happy so I am too.

The Yearly Visit...

Dad dropped by for his yearly visit to drop off my Christmas presents and pick up his. And as usual I was stuck at work - a late staffing change. I owe my fellow cashier big time as she suggested that she man the fort while I took Dad out to a cafe so we could catch up over coffee and smoked salmon sarnies. Bliss. I love my father a great deal, even if we rarely see eachother and thats nobodys fault but our own. We're just always so busy. We've promised to meet up in the new year. Go somewhere. Do something.
I miss the "good old days" when it was me and him every other weekend, when he lived with Nanny J, before she got angry and stopped talking to him. Before she got ill and forgot who we are.
That reminds me. I actualy discovered what I'd been missing all these years with Mars Bars. Odd but still on topic. When Dad lived with Nanny and I was still little he gave me a Mars Bar. Keep in mind I was probably about 7 or 8 years old at the time, already full with fried dinner and just before bedtime. And Dad gives me this sweet, sticky chocolate bar. I ate the whole thing and threw up in my sleep, waking in the wee hours of the morning in a puddle of my own dinner. I had to clean up and sleep with Nanny J, which was fun since she snored and that made me giggle. And I didn't touch a mars bar again, even the thought of one made me feel queezy until the other day when I got desperate for food and...well...it was the only thing in the shop. Chocolaty bliss! Ithink I may be addicted to them now.
Still worried about Squeak, but he's eatting plenty and drinking. He seems worse in the evening. Mum finaly remembered that the vet mentioned it could be something like meningitus. Guess thats why he seem more distressed in bright lights. I hope it is, I really do, because if it is the antibiotics and antiinflamitrys will knock it on the head and he'll get better. I really, really want him to get better.

Its that time of year again

Last year, around this time, I lost my pet rat Ooogie. I came home from work. He was dead and his cagemate soon followed. You can see why although I love this time of year I've been dreading it in a way.
And now my pet rat Squeaky is sick.
Mum took him to the vets because I was working (crap), the vet checked his pupled for blindness. Nope, Squeak isn't blind. He pressed (wtf?!?) on Squeak's eyes to make sure there was no pressure behind them. Nope, no pressure. The vets not too sure, but he thinks it might be an infection. So Mum and Squeak were sent away with anitbiotics and anitflamitrys.
But why is Squeak acting like he's blind? You give him a treak, one of his favourite treats, and it's like he's forgotten how to hold it. He drops it then scrabbles around maddly for it.
I don't want to loose him and I'm worried sick.
Right now he has burrowed under his bed and is scrabbling at the floor of his cage.
I don't know why I'm posting this here, because I know nobody reads this blog.
But I'm worried sick and I had to talk about it with someone.